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Chapter 05 Too Sad to Handle

posted Apr 26, 2017, 9:25 AM by Ratinan Lee   [ updated Jul 8, 2017, 10:22 AM ]


Too Sad to Handle

—Kevin Chen—

"JC, Guten tag (JC, good afternoon)," I greeted our class' new member in German. "Mein Name ist Kev (my name is Kev)."

"Sprechen sie Deutsch? (You can speak German?)" She asked me instead of greeting me back. Like I thought, she could speak German.

I smiled and said, "Ja. Ich spreche ein bisschen Deutsch. Es freut mich, Sie kennenzulernen. (Yes. I can speak a bit German. Nice to meet you.)"

"So, what's your business?"

I brought out my Biology worksheet from my blue folder. "Here. I got number 17. Your half also 17, right?" I showed her my half with number 17 written on the top right corner. Khrū Wanphen assigned us this worksheet before class dismissal. Each person got one-half, so we needed to find the other half ourselves, and worked together with the owner of the other half. She also forced us to write our names on the paper before we left the lab.

And as usual, I wrote 高文 (Gāo Wén), my real name in Chinese.

"Yes," answered JC.

"Alright, can we work together tomorrow evening?"


"Great!" I said. "Let's go to the Physics Lab. It's almost time."

Although I said let's go, but I went back to join Min and Máek, leaving JC to walk there with Pā̂eng and Tṓek. Similar to the Biology Lab, there were six tables for us to work in groups.

"Hey! You guys! Jì just told me that Níphon is not available today and he will be in the meeting for Teacher's Day ceremony. So... we are free for two hours!" Our classmate, Wít, announced when he arrived at the front entrance. Oh my god, then why did we walk here?

Oh, my God, Jì was at the meeting for the whole day.

"Well, let's talk about the guy who jerked off this morning. I really wanna know who he was." Pā̂eng started the conversation with those sitting around the same table.

"It's not girls' business!" I heard Tṓek yelled at Pā̂eng. Around that lab table, Tṓek was the only male student. The rest were five other girls. Our tables were surrounded by the whole five men.

"Nah... just initials or some hints are enough," she did not stop.

JC laughed at Pā̂eng. I thought she might want to know this also but did not dare enough to say it out loud.

"Well, since the ones who started asking for this was that guy at the back," she pointed her hand toward Min, "must be him, I guess."

I took out my notebook and jot down something in German and English. The conversation continued among the girls and Tṓek. I just listened.

"I won't say it's him or someone else," declared Tṓek. "We should respect their privacy." Great, buddy, you did it right. Thank you very much. I continued my writing. Others who sat around the same table was reading Japanese manga books.

"Nah... why...?" Pā̂eng cried.

"Don't you think that it was me?" Tṓek changed his tone. "Guys like us know the way to hide what we did. And guys like us, if don't have any abnormalities, can always do this."

"Kev is so cruel like a beast, sometimes," said Mǎi, another girl in the group. "I believe it must be him."

Eh?! I was so cruel like a beast...? It's boring! Girls always gossip!

"Why? Many people say he is a gay, and now you are proposing that he is a horny guy, ready to jerk off at any time, as a new hypothesis?" Tṓek laughed... "Ridiculous!"

JC was curious. "He is a gay?"

"No, I never believe that since the beginning," said Mǎi.

"Don't make me horny, girls," Tṓek told them strongly. "Otherwise I'd jerk off. Right here, right now!"

"But Tṓek..."


I heard Tṓek yelled. He stood up and walked toward me. "Can I sit here?"

"Sure," I answered.

And although the girls' conversation stopped after Tṓek left, I did not want to hear anything else. So I turned on my mp3 player... and continued writing.

Und ich werde dein Prinz
Der, den du wartest,
Reitet sein weißes Pferd, in den Himmel
Oh Mädel, halt bitte an
Wir werden wie Märchen
Mit Glück und Liebe füllen

And I will be your prince, the one you’ve been waiting for.
I’ll ride my horse of white and take you there.
Girl, please hold on. Stay strong and we will be like fairy tales.
Living together happily...


"Thanks for not revealing the truth," I started the conversation.

"It's also my responsibility to protect my colleague's privacy, isn't it?"

Tṓek was always like this. He knew this social ethic very well, unlike many other Thai colleagues. Many of us liked him because of this.

"Are you composing a song?" He asked me because I did not stop writing.

"Yes. I love this song. It's called 童话 by Michael Wong. I'm trying to rewrite it in German." I answered. "I want to give this one to the girl in the photo I showed you."

"Umm... So romantic."

I smiled.

"Can't write now... so hard. It's another song already. Have to relax my brain. Wanna listen to the song I'm listening?" I offered Tṓek one of my earpieces. He then took it and quietly listen.

"Sad song?"

"寂寞邊界; I reach the border of loneliness; love was stolen, a heart is full of pain; men's eternal wound is locked in the dark of the night." I translated the song by Nicholas Teo[2]. "Too sad to handle. That's why I stopped writing the song."


[1] Translated from - Artist: Michael Wong (王光良; Wáng Guāngliáng); Title:「童話」(Tóng Huà; Fairy Tale), 2005.

[2] Artist: Nicholas Teo (張棟樑; Zhāng Dòng-Liáng); Title:「寂寞邊界」(Jìmò Biānjiè; Border of Loneliness), 2005.

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